


In The Presence of Beauty

by kooili



Series: Weak in the Presence of Beauty [2]
Category: CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 12:23:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12935202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kooili/pseuds/kooili
Summary: Sequel to Weak. I was persuaded to fix the angst-fest I had created and this is the result. It is also my first new piece of writing in a very long time so apologies in advance if the rust shows.





	In The Presence of Beauty

The next time I see her is through a glass wall at work. My chest still clenches a little watching her smile to herself as she scans the screen in front of her. Her case must be going well. I can’t remember how I got home but it was the first time in months that I’ve been able to sleep through till it was time for shift to start.

She bends over to pick up a file and lifts her fingers to tuck loose strands of hair behind her ear in reflex as she sits back upright. And yes, I still remember how that soft silk felt in my hand. I close my eyes for an instant and I can almost smell her shampoo.

“Hey Sara, did you have a good time last night?” Warrick’s voice from just behind me catches me off guard and makes me jump and I have to steady myself against the glass before turning to face him.

“You okay?”

I nod and gave him my most convincing smile. “You shouldn’t sneak up on people like that.”

His face splits into a wide grin. “I wasn’t sneaking. Not my fault if you were all spaced out.”

I give him the Sidle look and am about to thump him on the back when he takes a step back.

“I wasn’t spaced out.” I realise that I am on the verge of blustering and lower my tone before continuing. “I was just thinking.”

He holds his hands up in a gesture of apology, even though he knows I’m not really mad from the look on my face. “How about if I wear louder shoes next time?”

“Deal.”

I get a smile and a light squeeze on the shoulder. “I don’t know about you but I’m going to get some coffee while it’s still decent. Coming?”

“You go ahead, I’ll catch up.”

He disappears round the corner to the break room and I know I should follow. Grissom will be waiting to hand out assignments and I shouldn’t be late. Except I can’t help myself and take one more look before the night and work take over.

Her eyes are waiting for mine and I freeze. I am sure my face is now the shade of a pomegranate. Did she see me watching her? The way she’s frowning slightly can only mean that she did and I decide that leaving the scene and heading for assignments is the best option.

*********

“Looks like it’s going to be a busy night,” Nick mutters as he spots the wad of assignment slips Grissom is holding in his hand.

“Yeah, Nicky my boy, you might even get to go solo on a big case tonight,” Warrick jibes, narrowly missing a thump on his chest for his trouble. I shake my head and chuckle. Boys will be boys. Warrick isn’t wrong, though, about the number of cases on the go tonight. He gets the missing person in Summerlin before Grissom announces that he and Nick will be working a 419 out on Freemont.

My stomach sinks a little, holding out hope that there are two more cases tonight. The way he’s looking at both Catherine and me says there aren’t.

“Ladies, you get the abandoned car found by the side of the road on the I15.”

Catherine speaks before I have a chance to. “And it’ll take two of us to process this?”

I gather from the tone of her voice that I’m not the the only one who wants to avoid spending time together.

Grissom tilts his head and smirks in that vaguely annoying way he does. “It does when the back seat is drenched in fresh blood and there isn’t a body to go with it.”

Catherine dips her head in agreement. “That’s a pretty big crime scene.”

“And that’s why I’m sending two of my best.”

*************

“You want to drive?”

My head snaps up at her question.

“You’re letting me drive?” Forget the awkward, messed up elephant in the room - she has never offered to let me drive before.

“I can look through the files while we’re getting there.” Somehow her statement sounds like an excuse before she finishes speaking and she knows it. “Is that a no, then?”

I smile triumphantly as I pluck the keys out of her hands.

“Absolutely not.”

Our fingers brush for a fraction of a second and it’s enough to make my breath hitch. This is going to be harder than I thought it would be after all.

*******

One of the good things about working nights is that the traffic is almost nonexistent. I barely need to check the mirrors as we ease onto the freeway. The scene is just over ten miles away and I’ll get us there in as many minutes if I keep to the speed limit.

“I haven’t thanked you for last night.”

Catherine speaks for the first time since we pulled out of the lab. She had been silently reading the contents of the folder she brought with her but I could tell she was distracted from the start.

“You don’t have to. It’s not like I’ve never given you a ride-” I change the word instantly realising it might not be the best choice under the circumstance. “-lift home before. Safer for the rest of us on the road,” I add, hoping to lighten the mood.

“Yeah, I was pretty much out of it wasn’t I? Can’t remember much after leaving the bar.”

My heart skips a beat and I can’t tell if she is testing me. “At least you had a good time,” I venture.

She smiles ruefully. “The wrecking ball in my head when I woke up this morning would have disagreed. The boys were having a really good time though. I’m surprised that any of them are standing upright today.”

“Something tells me they’ve had a lot of practice.”

“Speaking from experience? You weren’t doing bad yourself.”

I decide that honesty is the best policy.

“It’s easy when it’s coffee instead of Corona.”

For a brief moment, Catherine looks like she is about ask a question but changes her mind. “I’ll remember that tip for next time.”

Our arrival at the scene signals the end of the conversation and I’m relieved. Work soon takes over and Grissom was right that this is a two person job. We collect the usual samples, take the requisite photos and start processing the surrounding road and ground while auto detail prep the car for transport back to the garage. We set to work scanning through dirt and detritus from possible evidence and it is tedious and difficult, even with floodlights set up. The sky is turning light by the time I straighten my back up for the last time. Catherine is still bent over focusing her camera over one last tag and I can’t help but stare. Even in the unflattering CSI windbreaker with her hair tucked under a matching cap, she looks radiant against the glow of the breaking dawn. She shifts her angle and takes one final shot before she picks up the piece of evidence and stows it into a bag.

The gravel crunches under my boots as I approach her.

“Anything interesting?”

“Possibly. A half smoked cigarette with what looks like dried blood on it.”

“Phenolphthalein should tell,” I offer.

She shakes her head. “There’s enough of it left for a viable print so we should run that first.”

I nod in agreement. “You done?”

I nod again.“I’ve bagged everything that looks like it might be evidence but there is a _lot_ of trash out here.”

She gives me a half-smile before she answers. “At least shift tonight will be indoors and sitting down. Let’s head back and give Greg the good news.”

My face stretches into a wide grin as I pick up my case and follow her back to the car.

***************

It’s end of shift by the time we sort through the pile of bags. Most of them are for Trace and Prints but there is a small stack left over for us to work on. There isn’t any conclusive evidence jumping out at the moment so it can all wait till tonight.

I’m in the middle of packing the bags away when Catherine speaks.“Hey, we didn’t get lunch earlier so you up for some dinner?”

“Dinner?”

“Yes. Food and maybe a drink?”

My face heats up momentarily realising that my surprise has come across as confusion. I almost ask why but stop myself just in time. There isn’t any need to embarrass myself twice in two minutes.

“Sure. I’ll drop these off and met you out front?”

She nods and heads towards the locker room.

**********

So here we are. Half past eight in the morning and sitting across each other in a booth at Jo’s. I know it’s only sharing a meal but Catherine and I have never done this before. Not in the years as colleagues, not in the six months we spent as lovers and not in the month I spent putting pieces of myself back into some semblance of normalcy. A part of me wants to ask the question but an even bigger part tells me to have dinner and not over-analyse the simple act of eating together.

We place our orders and the waiter fills our coffee cups before retreating towards the kitchen. The hot bitter liquid stings the back of my throat but I relish it. I take another gulp before setting the cup down. The look on Catherine’s face is a mirror of mine, except she tips the cup all the way back and drains it completely before letting out a satisfied sigh.

“I don’t know about you but I really needed that.”

I smile. Caffeine addiction is an occupational hazard of working the graveyard shift after all.

“Preaching to the choir,” I reply with a knowing smile.

The steaming plates of food arrive just in time. I’m starving and from the look on Catherine’s face, she is as well.

We eat in relative silence punctuated by random chatter about the case and are both stuffed by the time we push our plates away.

“God, that was good.”

I take a sip of water to wash down the final bit of food and hum in agreement. “Didn’t realise how hungry I was until I started eating.”

Her eyebrow lifts as she grins. “You know what they say about not knowing what you’re missing…”

I know that I’m reading way more into her words that is intended and manage to stop myself from giving the expected answer. It’s impossible, though, to stop physiology from taking its natural course. It’s purely a sympathetic response, vessels dilating involuntarily, and there isn’t a thing I can do to stop the flush that I know must be creeping up my face.

Catherine either doesn’t notice or is choosing to ignore my reaction. I don’t particularly care right now as it buys me a reprieve and time to compose a response. “And what’s that?”

“That you only know you’ve been missing it when it’s gone.”

It’s obvious from her tone of voice that this conversation is about to become more serious. I somehow manage to pull together enough wit to make an attempt at deflecting the situation.

“Can’t be anything worth missing if it’s gone before you miss it. Life’s too short after all.”

I let my gaze drop casually onto the formica top looking for something, anything, to stare at as an excuse not to look at her. She doesn’t answer and the silence stretches on for long enough to make me believe that my sorry attempt at banter has actually worked. I’m about to raise my head again and ask for the check when I feel warm fingers covering my hand.

I start to pull back in reflex but the hold is firm and gentle at the same time.

“Look at me.”

It’s not so much a request as it is an order. Her fingers start to stroke the top of my hand and the gentle pressure is magnified by the time it settles as a familiar heat just below my belly. Warning klaxons are sounding in my head and I know I should pull my hand away and leave. It’s a pity that the muscles in my arm are refusing to work. My eyes finally creep upwards to meet hers even though I know it’s a bad idea. She waits until our gazes are firmly locked before speaking.

“Sometimes it takes something being gone before you know what it’s worth.” Her voice is soft and small. So unlike the confident tone she usually carries at work. Far removed from the harsh, wicked teasing which she is so good at when wants to get her way with me.

“I miss you, Sara.”

I want to believe her but I’ve been here before and it tore me apart. I dig deep for that ounce of courage I need.

“We’ve been here before, Catherine. I can’t give you what you need and we both know that.”

“I need you.”

Three small words. I’m teetering on the edge because of three small words.

“I’m sorry Cath, I can’t go back to what it was.”

The hold on my hand tightens as she squeezes her fingers together. I don’t know if I’m imagining it but I swear I see a shimmer in her eyes.

“I don’t want to either.”

The jumble of emotions in my head stops swirling for a moment, confused by her answer.

“But you just said…”

“I know what I said. I meant that I...” She takes a deep breath before continuing “I...want to try…” There is a pause as she searches for the word, “...us.”

Us.

That one single syllable brings the memories of all my sleepless, tear-soaked nights screaming back in painful, three dimensional high definition technicolour. A wave of anger rises in me and gives me the courage to let the floodgates open.

“Is this your idea of a joke?”

Her eyes turn a pale blue as she blinks furiously.

“No. What…?”

“The last time we were together, you made your feelings very clear.” I feel my chest tighten at the memory. I had forgotten how much it hurt until now.

The pained look on Catherine’s face tells me she remembers the conversation as well as I do.

“Sara, I was just being honest about how I felt at the time.”

I barely stop myself from lashing out with my response but my voice is tight when I finally speak.

“So you’ve now decided that you want me just because I said no last night. Is this all just a game to you?”

My voice is harsher than what I mean it to be but I can’t help myself.

I am prepared for her to lash back at me as she usually does. What I don’t expect is her reply, spoken in a broken tone barely above a whisper.

“I’m sorry.”

Her hand is holding on to mine so tightly that it hurts. It’s as if she is trying to convey the depth of her sincerity through the contact we are sharing. I don’t mind but I need a little more before I start forgiving.

“Why now?”

“Because I was too scared and stupid to say it before.”

I must be hallucinating because she has just admitted to the two things of which she is proud to be the complete opposite.

“Are you sure this what you really want, Catherine?”

I tighten my fingers to return a fraction of the pressure clinging onto me. My reward is a tentative smile and a nod.

“Yes. I want... no, I would like to take you out for dinner, if you’ll let me.”

I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help myself.

“I thought that’s what we were doing. Food and a drink, remember?”

I now have a new favourite colour and it’s the exact shade of crimson that is Catherine’s face at this very instant. My new life goal, I decide, is to make her blush as often as I can because she is breathtakingly beautiful when she does. Or maybe it’s something to do with the look she’s giving me right now - shy and yet full of the promise of something wicked at the same time.

“I meant a proper date. Wining, dining and getting to know each other.”

It sounds mad but her simple proposition turns my insides liquid more quickly than any of our numerous trysts have done before.

“I’d like that.” My answer is almost shy and I can feel the flush on my face before Catherine can see it.

“Later?” She ventures tentatively. “Since we’ve both got the night off…”

I nod and tangle her fingers between mine a little tighter. How do you say no in the presence of such beauty?


End file.
